No Coincidences

In November 2000, I found myself sitting in the office of a breast surgeon. She had examined me and was studying my radiographs. "We can't tell for sure without a biopsy." I was numb as I made the surgery appointment and walked in the dark to my car. I could only think of my dear friend Charlene, who was on the losing side of a seven year battle with breast cancer.

I was sitting in my car and shaking, shaking so much that I could not turn the key. I remember saying out loud "God I'm so scared." I finally gathered myself and turned the car on. My car had a fully loaded six CD changer set to random play and when I turned the ignition on, the music started. The very first lyrics I heard knocked the breath out of me. Here I was, as scared as I've ever been in my life and I was given the only two words that could possibly ease my panic.

The lyrics I heard? "Fear destroys." I firmly believe there are no coincidences and I knew those words were a gift to me. I realized then and there that fear was a useless emotion and I was somehow able to put it aside. Once the fear was gone, what I found instead was an awareness of feeling protected and a certainty I would get through this - no matter the outcome of the biopsy. Thankfully, my biopsy was negative.

Why relate this story now? I recently had another abnormal exam. But this time I did not let the fear seize me. I had learned my lesson, once and for all - "fear destroys." Yes, the fear automatically welled - but I was immediately able to banish it. Fear was quickly replaced with optimism, patience and strength. Once again, I was blessed with negative results.

Sadly, I lost my dear friend Charlene in January 2001. I think of her everyday. Not only because I miss her, but because I still marvel at the tremendous faith she had for seven years, as the cancer ravaged her. Up until the end, she was optimistic and sure of a cure. She had obviously discovered that "fear destroys" long before I did. Fear was never in her vocabulary, not even when facing death. As a former priest of mine said, sometimes death is the ultimate healing. I think Charlene knew that.

Friends

My son just called from college.

"Mom can you do me a favor?"

Sigh, "What?"

"Can you tape the Villanova game for me tonight?"

"Why? Aren't you going to watch it?" My son and his friends all "bleed Villanova Blue," so I wondered what could possibly keep him from watching the game, especially on a Friday night.

"No, I was kind of in the hospital all last night."

"WHAT??? Are you okay? What happened???"

"I'm fine it was my friend - he was having seizures."

My son's friend, Matt, spontaneously started having seizures last night. My son is halfway through his EMT training, so Matt's roommate raced to get him. My son quickly recognized that this was beyond him and they immediately called the EMS squad, who took Matt to the hospital. The doctors were able to stabilize him, thank God. My son and a few other friends spent the night in the hospital waiting room. Matt's parents are having a hard time getting a flight from their home in Belgium, because of the weather. The boys are taking turns staying at the hospital with Matt, until his parents arrive.

The devotion of this group of friends, who only met last September as freshman, deeply touched my heart.

It brought to mind another group of friends, also met last September. A wonderful group of friends, trusting enough to share their joys, their sorrows, their lives and their souls. Yes, you, my friends. I have been away for a long while, mostly taking care of my tiny but growing business - change of season means new jewelry styles and colors to put together. But my son and his friends reminded me of the value of friendship and how we need to be there for one another. In this I have been remiss, as I have not been there to cheer you on, empathize, laugh or cry with you. I will try to "catch-up" with all of you, little by little, and I will try to be a better friend.

My next post will not be so long in coming. As a matter of fact, it might even involve a lightbulb. . .or two!

Addendum: Still no news on Matt. His parents arrived over the weekend and he has been undergoing tests. They don't have a cause yet. He was able to talk by Sunday. I was speaking with a friend yesterday. Her 22 year old son had seizure disorder when he was a toddler so she has done a lot of research in the area. She said there are certain "thresholds" in life for seizure disorder - turns out onset is very common at 18 years old. I'll let you know if I find out more.

Addendum 2: I am happy to report that Matt is out of immediate danger. He is still in the hospital, but in a regular room, not ICU. He was put on lots of meds to control the seizures and is still undergoing diagnostic tests. He did visit the dorm over the weekend to say hi to everyone and my son said he looked much better.